Meta-emotions
Background: What are
meta-emotions? To put it simply, meta-emotions are our feelings about our
feelings. The concept of meta-emotions considers the idea that
when we experience feelings, we also encounter other feelings about the
experience itself. Another way to look at this is that meta-emotions are
secondary feelings that come after a situation that has triggered primary
feelings. Meta emotions are our
secondary emotions (later) about these primary emotions (initial). Consider
an example to increase understanding:
Sharon – Sharon’s
was very angry with her sister for doing something that she asked her many
times not to do. While Sharon’s anger
was being released, she felt a rush of excitement while yelling
at her sister uncontrollably. However, after a little time passed and Sharon
calmed down, she thought about her anger and related behaviors she felt guilty
for letting her anger get the best of her. She also then started feeling a
little anxious about her inability to control her anger sometimes. [Meta-emotions
bolded]
Sometimes
people can feel comfortable or complacent with an emotion especially if that
feeling is common or habitual: For example:
“To be honest, I am angry so often these days I
feel I am in my comfort zone when I am mad”
“I am so used to being sad since I have been suffering
from depression that I have become almost complacent with my own sadness, which
I know cannot be a good thing”
Sometimes
a meta-emotion can be the same as the primary emotion:
“I can feel myself getting anxious when I just
think about feeling anxious (even if nothing made me anxious yet)”
“Anger just makes me even more angry so I
cannot be around it”
“I am afraid of being afraid which keeps me
from trying new things at times”
There
are no right or wrong answers. Learning about your own meta-emotions takes
self-reflection and honest self-awareness. If you are up to the task, try to
identify your own meta-emotions about some of the following feelings:
Stop
and think deeply first, then fill in the blank with a meta-emotion (or two as
there can be more than one)
I feel ________ about feeling angry
I feel ________ about feeling sad
I feel ________ about feeling anxious
I feel ________ about feeling afraid
I feel ________ about feeling annoyed
I feel ________ about feeling guilty
I feel ________ about feeling surprised
I feel ________ about feeling happy
I feel ________ about feeling _______ (try some
of your own ideas)
We
can also experience meta-emotions about other people’s feelings. Answer some of
the following with meta-emotions. Think and be honest with yourself:
When others around me are feeling anxious, I
often feel ______
When others around me are feeling angry, I
often feel ______
When others around me are feeling sad, I often
feel ______
When others around me are feeling happy, I
often feel ______
When others around me are feeling proud, I
often feel ______
When others around me are feeling jealous, I
often feel ______
When others around me are feeling ______
(select your own), I often feel ______
So
now what? So, you have learned about and practiced working on meta-emotions.
What can we do with this information to make self-improvement? Consider the following discussion points as a
group:
1. Be mindful of your “comfort zone” with meta emotions.
Ask
yourself “have I gotten too comfortable with feeling angry, guilty, depressed, silly,
etc.?
2. Watch out for meta-emotion fears – Fear of emotions can
hold your social-emotional development back from growing and expanding. Are you
afraid of feeling some feelings?
3. Identify adverse (unhealthy) and unbalanced
meta-emotions – Some
meta-emotions are not good for us or for our overall well-being. Sometimes meta emotions can lack balance or
congruency. Consider how some of meta-emotions can be problematic especially
over time. (These are just a few examples as there can be other troubling
meta-emotion pairings)
a.
Feeling happy about others who may be feeling angry or sad
b.
Feeling guilty about our own feelings of happiness
c.
Feeling jealous about others feeling proud
d.
Can the group come up with more examples?
4. Develop a positive relationship with positive
emotions – Addiction
and mental health issues can impact the way we experience emotions. As part of
the positive change and recovery process it is important to learn about and
explore emotions that are productive and positive like happiness, joy, love,
peacefulness, compassion, kindness, etc. How can you learn more about and
increase emotions like these in your life and relationships?
5. Accept and recognize that some of our
meta-emotions may be deep-rooted based on our personal experiences - Emotions quite often
can originate in our past and our childhood and are impacted by things like
trauma and other experiences. If you have identified some issues from this
worksheet on meta-emotions, it would be a good idea to follow up with these
issues in therapy or with your support system. If you notice that your
meta-emotions may be impacting your relationships or your behavior, then
engaging in honest and open conversation with others close to you (or a
professional) may be necessary. Seek help and support if needed.
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