Intro-
Sometimes
things come up suddenly or unexpectedly in life that can be very stressful
which can produce a lot of anxiety. This exercise is about coping skills for
getting through these anxious moments using the Three P’s:
1.
Pause
2.
Positive
3.
Proceed
Each
is described below:
Pause – When anxious
thoughts are going on, they are usually racing. So, pausing even for less than
a minute or even a few second can be a game changer. During a brief pause in
the middle of an anxious and stressful moment is like hitting the reset button
on an overactive mind. There are many things’ that can be done during this
brief pause so pick something that works for you or use a combination of
skills. The most important thing is that you learn to use a pause to get your
mind off of things long enough to reflect and refocus.
Some
skills people use during pauses from anxiety:
Ø Deep breathing
Ø Counting
Ø Positive imagery
Ø Repeating a calming
word or phrase “Breathe!” or “Slow down” for example
Ø Praying (if applicable
to you)
Ø Grounding (Use your senses
to escape by listening to the wind blow, or feeling
the arms of the chair with your hands or visualize a positive
scene or memory or focus on something in the environment)
Positive
- Once
you have paused and slowed your mind down, it is so helpful to learn positive
self-talk. This effective anxiety coping tool involves examining a
situation and reframing it by emphasizing something positive over the negative.
It can be helpful to focus on what you can control instead of what is beyond
your control. Some examples:
Ø Negative thought “What
am I going to do if ____ happens!!!? – Positive self-talk can be something like
“It may be stressful if ____ happens but I’ll find a way to get through
it, I always do!”
Ø Negative thought –
“This person (or situation) is making me feel really uncomfortable and I am stuck,
and I can’t leave! – Positive self-talk may be something like “I can get
through this if I just keep my cool as best I can and wait it out, then I’ll be
out of this situation soon enough
Ø Negative thought –
“People are going to make me lose it” – Positive self-talk may be “I
can’t control what others do or say, but I can control what I say and do so I
will focus on that”
Proceed – This final step is
so important because learning to cope with anxiety often means pushing through
some challenges and proceeding forward in spite of anxious feelings and
thoughts. There may be times in life when you might feel that you need to leave.
However, in most situations if you can calm yourself effectively you can
proceed forward even though you are experiencing anxiety. This can take practice
but gradually learning over time to function when you are uncomfortable
actually expands your comfort zone and increases your resilience and ability to
self-calm. For example, consider how much worse anxiety is the first time you
do something compared with the 10th time if you stick with it and
don’t give up. Proceeding forward when you can even if it’s just a little,
every effort makes you stronger. Sometimes that first step forward is all you
need (Again this is not meant to shame anyone who has left a situation
because of anxiety as that can happen to the best of us on occasion especially
when there is a history of anxiety or panic disorder)
Exercise
– Apply the Three Ps in Anxiety Producing Scenarios
Read
each scenario below. These scenarios were written based on some common anxiety
producing life situations including:
· Performances
· Meeting new people
(especially in groups)
· Dating
· Distressing public
situations and crowds
· Confrontation
· Stating your views
(especially when not a popular one in the moment)
Read
each scenario and as a group work through how you can use the Three Ps (Pause,
Positive, Proceed) to get through the moment,
Nervous
Performance
– Surprise! - You’ve just been recognized! – You are in a situation at work
where the boss publicly praises you for your hard work and accomplishments and
now your room full of coworkers is all cheering you on asking you to tell
everyone how you did what you did so well. They won’t take no for an answer and
want a speech. One person is even holding up a camera. You are on the spot
Urine
Trouble
– You need to go to the bathroom pretty seriously and it cannot wait much
longer. The only bathroom nearby is very dirty and crowded with a lot of
commotion and has limited privacy
Distressing
Date –
You are out in public on a date, and you are in a newer relationship and suddenly
you run into your partner’s family unexpectedly. You know the family is from a
very different background and your partner has told you in the past that they
are loud and not shy about asking a lot of personal questions
Taking
a Stand
– You suddenly find yourself stuck in a social situation with a large group of
people whom you know but not super closely. Soon, the group is now doing
something that you disagree with, and your view may be unpopular with others. You
don’t have an out so its either express your viewpoint or stay quiet and just
follow the crowd even though you disapprove of what it looks like is about to
happen
Stranger
Danger
– A friend begs you to come out with them to a social gathering and the friend
swears to you that there will be people there you know. You get there and you
do not know a single person except your friend, who suddenly disappears and
leaves you alone to fend for yourself socially
Wacked-Out
Waiting Room
– You are in a situation where you have to sit in a waiting room that is
crowded with a lot of activity. People are loud and it’s not uncommon for some
random person to try to make small talk with you. You need this appointment,
and you can’t go outside as you don’t want to miss getting called so you cannot
escape
Feared
Firing
– On Monday morning at work you find out from a coworker that there was a big
misunderstanding last week at work that involves something you said or did and
your coworker warns you that your boss may be really upset with you. You see
your boss approaching in the distance with a serious look
Perplexing
Promotion
– Your boss just gave you a promotion with a significant raise that was way too
good to turn down and you need the money and the job (cannot quit). On the
first day back at work after you take the promotion your boss tells you that
you will be accompanying her to visit several of your coworkers (most of whom
you know and used to work with) to help her write them up for disciplinary
action
If
time or perhaps in a follow up session, discuss some of your own life
scenarios, past or present and analyze how to use the Three P’s to effectively
cope with anxiety in these situations. At the very end review what group
members will take home from this exercise
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