The Grind Part 21 - Facing the Music

The Grind Part 21 - Facing the Music – VIDEO INTRO: https://youtu.be/xczqvouz9fg

 

In certain instances, we may have to grind through a tough situation in life because of the aftermath of our own choices. We all do what we can to try to always make good decisions but in our own imperfection at times we find ourselves confronted with stressful circumstances due to having to “face the music” related to an undesired outcome of a bad decision. This worksheet is specifically for coping with these types of situations when we know a tough period of time may be ahead due to the consequences, ramifications and reverberations of our own past actions and choices. So, if you are in a situation where you are thinking something like: “I got caught…”, “I took a bad risk”, “I wish I would not have done that”, “I messed up…”, “I regret…” then this worksheet can help you grind forward in a positive way, even though you may need to face the music.

 

(To avoid distraction from this topic, keep in mind this is not about situations involving getting into trouble unfairly due to a mistake completely outside of our control, or some other injustice (such as discrimination or a false accusation). Rather, this is about facing the music when we knowingly can confess that we made a bad decision that we may now regret.

 

What does “facing the music” entail?  - Review and discuss the following points:

 

Facing the music includes:

 

ð      Accepting the unpleasant reality and outcome of the situation

 

ð      Accepting responsibility for your role (even if it was not all your fault)

 

ð      Preparing to adapt to life changes whatever the consequences may be.

 

ð      Preparing for the criticism or judgement that may come with the situation (even if it is unfair)

 

ð      Owning the situation honestly without lying, cover-ups, avoidance, or deception - Surrendering

 

ð      Coping with the feelings of guilt and shame

 

ð      Coping with regret without stagnating and moving on.

 

ð      Most importantly, moving forward in as positive way as possible despite all of these challenges

Are you ready to face the music? – Discuss: (Or if you are not facing the music now, to contribute to the group discussion, share about how you may have faced the music, or wished you faced the music, in the past)

 

 

 

 

What is involved with facing the music? Some key principles. Discuss as a group:

 

Just because something feels unfair, does not mean it’s completely unfair. This can be difficult to understand and requires introspection and self-awareness. It is important to differentiate between our feelings and reality.

 

Ø For example, a person chooses to drink and drive fully knowing that if they get caught there will be consequences. After getting arrested for DUI this person may say “why me, this isn’t fair!”. In reality, when we get caught doing something we know is wrong, it really is not unfair, but rather a consequence of our choices. 

 

Often what we do when facing adversity defines what kind of person we are – Anyone can get into trouble but not everyone can successfully face the music, adapt and then bounce back from the outcome. This is a choice as we can make a conscious decision not to allow a negative consequence to stop us from moving forward in life. We may need to adjust but we can still find a new way to live.

 

 

We do not have to break when life applies pressure – Life can bend us without breaking us. This too is a choice. We can use our coping skills and supports to get through tough situations even when facing the consequences of our own mistakes.

 

Resilience can be learned and enhanced.  – Some individuals are more resilient by nature than others but whatever the case may be, everyone can increase resilience. Like building muscle through exercise, we can strengthen our resilience and ability to bounce back if we put in the effort.

 

There is something to be learned from every situation – Sometimes this can be the most powerful takeaway from a situation where we have to face the music. Ask: What lessons have been learned. What will I do differently next time. How will I use this ordeal to improve, even though this may hurt now.

Pressing Forward - What are some specific and practical things you can do with your situation to effectively face the music and then move forward in a positive way? Fill out the section below. If you are not currently facing the music, go back and discuss a past situation where you had to face the music. An example is provided.

 

Example:

 

Situation: “While in outpatient treatment I violated probation due to getting caught with a positive drug test after a relapse that I tried to conceal. My probation officer had warned me that this was my last chance.”

 

Honest Feelings and Thoughts: Frustration, regret, thoughts wanting to run from the situation. Anger

 

Positive Focus and Plan (What positive things can I focus on, and changes can I make?) –

·       Avoiding relapse triggers especially negative people I just used with.

·       Changing my associates and instead increase involvement in safe and supportive social activities.

·       Avoid letting my anger drive me to doing something else I will later regret.

·       Talk to my counselor and listen to advice from people I trust.

·       Consider going to rehab if needed, especially if it is going to keep me from being incarcerated.

·       Discuss this with my counselor and loved ones.

 

 

Now fill out below based on your own situation (or experience)

 

Situation

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Honest Feelings and Thoughts

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Positive Focus and Plan (What positive things can I focus on, and changes can I make?)

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