Asking for Help – Brief Counselor Video Intro Link

 

Opening Icebreaker: Whom Do You Ask? – This is just a brief way to get the group comfortable and prepared for the topic of “Asking for Help.” Go through the list below as a group and have group members share who else in the group, they would ask for help with each situation, Keep in mind this is just an icebreaker to open the topic, so keep it lighthearted and fun.

 

For each situation below, select one group member whom you would ask for help if you needed it:

 

SITUATION --------------------------------------------------> WHO DO YOU ASK FOR HELP? 

Need help with ways to make money.

Want to get healthier/more fit.

Relationship advice

Need a good joke or funny story.

Legal advice

How to best work with children.

How to have fun without substances

Need to learn an interesting hobby.

Best places to shop/Fashion advice.

How to deal with a bully/threat

Survival skills in tough neighborhood

Best concerts to see.

Interesting shows/movies to watch.

Coping with family stress

Home repair

Optional follow up question:  Is there anything else not already mentioned that you believe other people in the group would be good at when it comes to helping others?

 

Asking for Help

 

Opening Discussion:  Identify an area where you may be a good helper. Pick a topic or two that you could help others with and share with the group:

 

For example: What is something that you…

§  Care about?

§  Know about/understand or have skills?

§  Like/love to do or have a passion for?

§  Have experience with?

 

Ø Examples: Chess, fishing, math, history, music, cars, gardening, cleaning, etc.

 

 

How would you FEEL if someone asked you for help with this?

 

 

Is it reasonable to believe that there are people out there who want to help you?

Ø YES! There are people who can and want to help!

 

 

Yet quite often people do not ask for help – WHY?

 

 

Breaking it down – 
Considering Reasons Why Someone May Not Ask for Help

 

Directions: As a group go through the following statements. Check off any that you may have ever found yourself saying when it comes to asking for help for a specific problem. Discuss these as a group as you go through the list. (Keep in mind there may be some overlap as some of these topics are similar.)

 

 

THINGS PEOPLE MAY SAY AS REASONS/EXCUSES NOT TO ASK FOR HELP:

1)

¾   I don’t need help.

¾   I can do this on my own.

¾   I have got this under control myself.

 

What’s the problem? Lack of Insight – Sometimes a person may not ask for help because they are not self-aware enough to even realize that they need help. A person may fail to realize that asking others for help is important for them.

 

What’s the answer (How to resolve?) – Looking honestly at yourself and your situation:  Weighing the evidence in front of you. Talking to others whom you trust who will give you objective answers about your problems.

2)

¾   I’ll start later (procrastination)

¾   I’m just not ready to change yet.

¾   If I ask for help, they are going to tell me to do things I don’t want to do right now.

 

Problem - Lack of Motivation

 

Answer - Seek support from motivational and supportive people. Practice positive self-talk for motivation building. Start small and make baby steps forward to make some progress and build momentum.

 

3)

¾   What’s the use, asking for help won’t do me any good

¾   I’ve tried reaching out already and it didn’t help.

¾   I don’t think anyone will ever really understand what I am going through so what’s the point?

 

Problem- Discouragement/Lack of Hope

 

Answer – Talk to people who have succeeded. Read stories and watch videos about people who have had success and can inspire. Research forms of help that have worked successfully for others.

 

4)

¾   If I ask for help, then that means I am weak.

¾   If people find out I asked for help that will hurt my reputation

¾   People will judge me for asking for help.

 

Problem – Excessive Pride

 

Answer – Learn to practice humility and allow others to teach us and guide us when we need it most. Understand that everyone needs help sometimes so should really be no fear of judgement.

 

5)

¾   People don’t know what they are talking about.

¾   I don’t want anyone to know my business.

¾   People may backstab or betray me or use things against me later if I show vulnerability.

¾   If I ask for help, I’ll have to let other people tell me what to do and I don’t want that.

 

Problem – Trust Issues/Paranoia/Control issues

 

Answer – Work on past trauma (Trust issues often comes from being burned by others in the past.) Learn to let go. Build the courage to take risks and give someone else a chance to help, even if it is just a little at first.

 

6)

¾   I’m afraid to ask for help.

¾   What if people reject me or make fun of me for asking

¾   I’m too anxious to speak up.

 

Problem – Social anxiety, need to develop social skills, confidence building.

 

Answer – Develop assertiveness skills. Practice and role play asking for help to increase self-confidence. Bring someone with you to support you in getting help.

 

7)

¾   I do not want to be a burden on anyone, so I won’t ask.

¾   I’m not worth the trouble so why would anyone really want to help me.

¾   I feel bad asking people to go out of their way for me.

¾   Other people have too many problems of their own to have to deal with me and my problems.

 

Problem – Shame based thinking/Low self-esteem.

 

Answer – Affirmations: Build up your internal belief that you are worth it. Positive self-talk: Convince yourself that you are both entitled to and worthy of other people’s help.

8)

¾   I have way too much on my plate right now to get help.

¾   If I ask for help it will be more work than I can handle

¾   If I ask for help it will open a can of worms that I am not ready to deal with

 

Problem – Overstressed/Overthinking

 

Answer: Reality check: Weigh the pros and cons:  Not asking for help is probably more stressful in the long run than just asking for help now. Allow yourself to move forward little by little if you are overwhelmed.

CLOSING DISCUSSION and PLANNING

 

Which area(s) covered stood out the most to you when it comes to asking for help?

 

 

What is your personal plan to work toward asking for help in an area that you may need it?

 

 

v Specifically, what steps are you going to take and what are you going to work on to get the help that you need?

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