The Grind Part 19- Gradual Acceptance

 

Gradual Acceptance - VIDEO INTRO LINK

“Accept the things you cannot change” and “Radical Acceptance” are phrases based on some well-known (and highly effective) coping skills in the world of mental health and substance use recovery. The power of acceptance for coping with difficult life situations is extremely powerful and necessary. However, sometimes when life is a grind and things are really tough to deal with, it can be very difficult to achieve a level of acceptance. We may even be fully aware of the need to accept a painful circumstance but sometimes our troubled brains won’t let it happen for one reason or another. This exercise, “Gradual Acceptance” is another alternative to start the process of accepting difficult realities even when full acceptance seems too lofty of a goal. As a group, discuss the following questions focused on working toward acceptance progressively and gradually with time, patience and practice. It may be helpful to first think of something in life that may difficult to accept right now.

 

What am I having difficulty accepting?

 

 

What is the hardest part of it to accept? (And why?)

 

 

Use insight: What thoughts and feelings might be blocking me from accepting this situation as reality? Review the following below. There may be more than one answer:

 

ð      This just isn’t fair.

ð      I didn’t do anything to deserve this.

ð      Why me?

ð      If I just_____ (different choice in the past) then this would not have ever happened

ð      If I accept it that means then it means that I don’t care, because acceptance diminishes the importance of what happened (As if to say “I feel like I need to let myself suffer about this the rest of my life to prove how important this is”)

ð      I am just too angry to accept this or to move past this.

ð      I don’t feel like I can forgive myself for letting this happen

ð      I am afraid to move on

ð      I am procrastinating related to what know that I need to do for myself to move forward

ð      Other thoughts and feelings getting in the way:

 

 

By contrast, what thoughts and coping skill areas can help me at least start to accept this difficult reality. See below, there can be more than one answer:

 

ð      Sometime bad things happen for no good reason, even to good people.

ð      I need to stop asking “Why did this happen” – Sometimes there is no good answer

ð      I need to stop playing the “if only” game – Looking back and saying “If I only did this or that then this would not have happened, is not going to change what happened – What is done is done.

ð      If I accept this situation and learn to move on, that does not mean that I do not care.

ð      I can learn to let go of my anger, my hurt, my guilt, or my fear so I can start to move forward gradually.

ð      I can at least start to make baby steps forward if taking big strides is too much for me right now.

ð      Other ideas? 

 

Finally, “I acknowledge that this process will be difficult but worth the effort”. However, in the meantime: Who or what can help me with the process of first building resilience, reestablishing new routines, and gradually achieving a level of acceptance? Some suggestions provided below, but feel free to come up with your own:

 

ð      Therapy

ð      Support groups

ð      Opening up more about this situation with trusted friends/family.

ð      "Spirituality" – Exploring, searching, learning. and examining more about the "big picture" in life rather than focusing on the hurt, the loss, or the pain right in front of us. 

ð      Other – Who or what can help me right now? 

 

Closing questions:

 

How will I know that I am making progress (What will it look and feel like?)

 

 

 

Finally, what are at least two (or more) things I am going to start to work on right away to begin or resume the important process of Gradual Acceptance for my own healing?

 

 

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