CBT AND ME: Part 2: Feeling Our Feelings
VIDEO INTRODUCTION: https://youtu.be/Ow4mmoqzmgg
Opening Icebreaker – “I Feel You”
The purpose of this exercise is simple, which is to get the group identifying and talking openly about feelings. Make sure everyone in the group can see a feeling list. (It may make sense to print one or more of these feeling lists out if you do not have your own. People can share them)
Feelings List 1 From Hoffman Institute
Feelings List 2 From ndapandas
Feelings List 3 From Center for Nonviolent Communication
Directions: Take turns where one
person in the group picks a feeling word from one of the feeling lists and
shares a brief true story where they really felt that feeling in their life.
Stories should be brief but descriptive with a focus on helping others
understand how you really felt and why. Everyone in the group should do their
best to listen to one another and show support for these feelings’ stories. When
a person is done with their feeling story, if anyone in the group had a similar
experience that resulted in the same (or similar feeling) that person should
say “I feel you” and share with the rest of the group their similar
experience with that same feeling. There may be more than one group member who
has the “I feel you” experience so everyone should get a chance to share who is
interested. When this follow up process is complete, resume again with the next
person picking a new feeling from the list. - Counselor: When the group is
over, you may need to take some time to debrief everyone and make sure the
group is ready to continue as it may take a minute after people express some
more difficult feelings.
About Feelings
Discussion: Read each point about feelings and discuss the questions that follow as a group
Feelings
are often misunderstood – Feelings can seem mysterious or difficult to recognize
and even more challenging to appropriately express. Also, it is important to be
careful when learning about feelings because there is a lot of inaccurate
information about feelings on the internet.
Ø Does anyone identify
with this and struggle a little with identifying or expressing feelings?
Ø Why can identifying and
expressing feelings be a challenge?
Feelings
can be intuitive, but sometimes feelings are misleading – Our feelings may be
telling us something so we should listen to them. However, it is important to
also use caution as sometimes feelings can lead us to an inaccurate conclusion.
Therefore, the general rule is “Listen to and consider your feelings, but do
not automatically trust them”
Ø Have you ever listened
to a feeling about something, and it was helpful? (For example, maybe you
had a “creepy” feeling about a situation and got out and found out later you
avoided trouble)
Ø Have you ever had a
feeling about someone or something and later learned the feeling was
misleading?
o Example: feeling “love” for
someone new only to learn later that the person was no good for us.
o Example: feeling angry about
something but later learning that you jumped to a wrong conclusion about what
triggered your anger.
o
Example: feeling annoyed or strong dislike for someone you first
meet but later that person becomes a close friend
We
can let our feelings inspire our (positive) actions, but we should not
let our feelings control our actions – There’s a difference:
Ø How can feelings
motivate you?
(For example, how can a person could let their feelings inspire them to make
life changes)
Ø Why can it be a really
bad idea to let your feelings dictate your actions? (For example, imagine
saying something hurtful to someone you care about in a state of anger but
later regretting it
Feelings
are subjective and influenced by time, context, surroundings as well as
perception
Ø Can anyone come up with
an example of how feelings can change with time? - Why is it better sometimes to “sleep on it”
or wait when we are confused or unsure about our feelings?
Ø How can our context and
surroundings impact feelings?
o
Example – Your friend or partner makes fun of you during a fun
conversation where everyone is being playful and joking around compared with
your friend making fun of you in public in front of people you don’t know or who
just met in a more serious setting.
Ø How can new information
and facts change our perception which can then change our feelings?
o
Jumping to conclusions is a risk involved with blindly
following our feelings. Why is it important to try to get the whole story
before taking action on strong feelings?
Feelings
are contagious
Ø Has anyone had an
experience where being around happy people made them feel happier or being
around angry people made them angry or any example where feelings were
contagious?
Finally
- There are things that all of us can do each day to better manage our feelings
and make good choices in spite of challenging feelings. Think positively and
soon you will feel positively
1. Track and name your
feelings
– How does identifying our feelings help with managing our feelings?
2. We can learn more about
feelings using empathy – When listening to someone else talk, try to imagine what
it must feel like for them. You can do the same when watching movies or listening
to music by practicing identifying with the writer or character’s feelings.
This can help with our own feelings too. The more we understand feelings, the
more equipped we are to handle them well.
3. Express your feelings
with someone you trust - How does talking about our feelings help? Do you have
someone in your life who you can share your feelings openly and honestly with?
4. Learn to work with our
thoughts to better manage feelings. - Our thoughts impact our feelings so it is
often better to adjust our thinking which can help us change how we feel
a.
Example – “I lived my life thinking that everyone is
out to get me, so I often felt uncomfortable and stressed around people”
However I have learned to adjust my thinking by telling myself “Some people out
there are not safe, but not everyone wants to hurt me. I have friends now”
To
close the group, share a positive thought that can help inspire positive
feelings. For example, thoughts of:
Gratitude, Optimism,
Creativity, Love, Appreciation, Compassion, Peace, Kindness, Goodness, Joy,
Acceptance, Friendship, Beauty, Admiration, Confidence, Faith, Warmth,
Patience, Respect, Affection, Enthusiasm, Encouragement, Comfort, Laughter,
Delight, Motivation, Inspiration, Courage, Hope
THINK POSITIVE – FEEL
POSITIVE – LIVE POSITIVE
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