Background: This group activity can be done any time of year however it can also be a useful activity during occasions or times of year where giving may be expected or customary (such as a holiday). This group activity can be done in person or via telehealth. If done in person, group members will need pen and paper to secretly submit their thoughts and ideas in written “secret ballot” format to the group leader. If this is done via telehealth, group members should use the chat function on the telehealth platform and send messages privately via chat to the group leader.
Directions: In this
group, members will give and receive two things: thoughts of kindness
and thoughts of hope. Everything is done anonymously so group members
can share their honest thoughts without feeling shy, reserved, or anxious
Someone in the group should volunteer to take the first turn. When it is a person’s turn, the group messages will be directed toward that person. Everyone in the group should anonymously submit two messages: The first message, a thought of kindness, should be a kind statement or observation about the person whose turn it is. The second should be a message of hope. Submission should be done via private chat or secret ballot as described earlier. Once all are collected, the group leader will then, one by one, read the group’s messages to the person whose turn it is.
Review the following rules first:
Positive
messages only. This group is designed to be encouraging and fun, so this is not
the time for group members to reveal secret gripes or resentments. Insults or
criticism is not appropriate for this group. The counselor/group leader should not
read a message that is mean-spirited, insulting, critical or that violates boundaries
or is otherwise inappropriate. Positive messages of hope only should be
acceptable. Again, this is supposed to be fun and positive. For example, a
message such as “I hope you get what’s coming to you” would not be an
appropriate message of hope
Author of
messages is to be kept secret – If messages are kept anonymous then
people can feel free to be more open and honest. The counselor/group leader
should just read the messages but not announce the author or give any hints.
Group members should refrain from saying “I wrote that one!”
For
thoughts of kindness, complements are OK as long as they are appropriate – For
example it is okay to submit a message such as “You have a great smile” but it
would not be appropriate to say, “I would like to date you” or to specifically
make a sexually oriented comment. If possible, it is better to focus on
personal qualities (intelligent, funny, outgoing, honest, etc.) rather than
physical qualities
Messages of
hope are better if they are realistic – For example saying “I hope you win a
billion dollars” is nice but not all that meaningful. Something specific to the
person which is realistic and attainable is much better such as “I hope you to
get the career you always wanted”
The group
leader will read the thoughts of kindness and the thoughts of hope to the
person who is up for their turn. Before ending a turn, the person taking the
turn should share with the rest of the group how they feel about the messages
they received and comment on anything that may have stood out to them
When a turn
is over, switch to the next person and allow them to have a turn receiving
positive messages from the rest of the group.
A general
rule for the whole group is the old principle – “If you have nothing nice to
say then don’t say anything at all” - However, group participation is
encouraged for all wherever possible
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