UNG –
Unnecessary Grief - There are many challenges in life that can be considered “maintenance”
problems that are eventually bound to happen with time. This can be similar to
the way when you own a car; even if you do everything you can to take care of
it, at some point you will need to get maintenance (i.e. the oil changed, the
brakes fixed and tires rotated). Paying
the rent, taking the kids to the dentist, doing your assignments at work/school,
cleaning the house; these all fall under “maintenance” types of issues. It is a
waste of time to get too upset about maintenance problems because they are
inevitable and to be expected
Then there
is another category of problems which are the direct result of “decisional
circumstances” that are the direct consequences of the choices we make.
These problems are the ones we have the most control over and are the most avoidable.
Sometimes it is also those little irritable little things we do (or fail to do)
which can cause ourselves what can be referred to as “UNG or Unnecessary
Grief”. It can be incredibly frustrating how much “UNG” a person can
generate when one is not careful.
Some
behaviors which can result in UNG. Discuss these as a group and add to the list
if needed – Also consider how the COVID-19 pandemic can impact these challenges
and effect your decisions
Not
knowing when to shut up
Lateness
Bringing
up a subject you know will cause an argument
Gossiping
Not
keeping promises
Not
paying bills
Overspending
Overeating
Starting
something, you know you cannot finish
Neglecting
self-care
Not
taking medication when you know you need it
Hanging
out with someone you know is going to cause trouble
Getting
back with the ex when you know from experience where that leads
Agreeing
to things you will not want to do or be able to do later
Not
saying no when you should
Debating
with someone you know is foolish, dishonest or has no idea what they are
talking about
Hanging
out where you know trouble is
Breaking
the law when eventually you’ll get caught
Taking
shortcuts now that you’ll have to pay for later
Taking
on too much
Moving
too fast
Not
listening to good advice
Trying
to do something alone that you shouldn’t
Not
knowing you limits
Making
decisions or speaking your mind when in a heightened emotional state
Other?
Below are some specific examples where a person caused UNG: Review these and then try to come up with
some of your own personal examples from
your life where at times you may cause yourself UNG
“I’m
broke again because I went out and spent too much of my paycheck the first
weekend that I got it”
“My
significant other is mad at me again because I stupidly brought up a topic that
I knew beforehand was just going to cause a useless argument like it always
does”
“I
feel depressed and guilty because I didn’t take good care of myself emotionally
or physically all weekend”
As a group, discuss
your own personal examples like these
What
can you do in order to prevent UNG? – Review the following list of ways to prevent
and avoid UNG. Discuss these below as a group and try to choose a few of
these strategies for yourself for one of your own personal examples of UNG.
Explain how you will use these strategies to improve your situation in the
future
Plan
ahead and strategize before these situations arise
Learn
to pause and think before acting or deciding: A few seconds can make a huge
difference
Practice
self-awareness so you can recognize when you may be making a decision based on
emotion so you can wait until you are in a more calm and rational state of mind
before deciding
Know
your triggers and avoid them or at least prepare for them if they are
unavoidable
Know
your areas of weakness as well as “high-risk” situations for you personally
Do
what you can to follow a structured plan for living to limit chaos and unforeseen
challenges
Listen
to your instincts and your conscience when you have that feeling like something
is not worth the risk
Consult
with others whom you trust and then listen to their advice when applicable
Bring
others with you who are supports when you know you will be facing a challenge
Remember
how it felt to experience UNG last time so you can motivate yourself to stop
setting yourself up with the same situations and then stop repeating the same unnecessary
mistakes
Seek
therapy to better understand why you may be repeating some of the same choices
and behaviors and causing yourself UNG and avoidable stress. (Identify
self-destructive patterns)
WHAT ARE TWO OR THREE
THINGS YOU WILL CONTINUE TO FOCUS ON TO AVOID UNG?
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