Realistic Self Talk – Corresponding video introduction: https://youtu.be/lxseUctuof8
Introduction
– Positive
self talk is Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) coping skill that has been
around for quite some time. Positive self talk is known to be effective for many
types of mental health conditions. This activity is focused on using positive
self talk to cope with anxiety. However, there is a slightly different spin on
the concept. For some people, being positive does not come naturally. This can
be due to a variety of issues possibly stemming from childhood or it can be a
personality trait. Whatever the reason, it can be easier to start with “Realistic
Self Talk” as an easier to identify with method for starting a dialogue
with ourself to overcome challenges. This worksheet takes you through the
process of learning to practice realistic self talk to cope with anxiety
and other stressful life challenges. Learning to have an encouraging but
realistic dialogue with ourselves can be a life changing way to cope when
things seem overwhelming or difficult to face.
Part
1 – Define
Start
by defining the problem and your feelings. It is important to be honest with
ourselves during this process. For the purpose of this exercise, everyone
participating should try to identify one problem that causes anxiety and
stress.
Think
about something that you tend to dislike or even avoid doing because it can be overwhelming,
stressful, scary or anxiety provoking. Some examples:
“I
am afraid of public speaking”
“I
have difficulty starting and maintaining conversations with people I don’t
know”
“I
have a difficult time saying “no” and I am in a situation where I really need
to say “no” to someone
Try
to come up with your own challenging or anxiety-provoking situation and share
it with the group
Part
2 – Identify
This
part requires some more self-awareness and introspection. Think about the
problem or the difficult situation that you defined in the previous section.
Then try to identify what negative things that you may be thinking to yourself
that hold you back or discourage you. How are you speaking to yourself in your
own head? Examples are provided below based on the same examples from the
previous section:
“I
am afraid of public speaking”
Self thought example: I think to myself
that “If I speak in public, I will make a fool out of myself” or “I am not
interesting enough to do public speaking”
“I
have difficulty starting and maintaining conversations with people I don’t
know”
Self thought example – “If I start a
conversation with strangers, they will reject me and not want to listen”
“I
have a chance at a promotion at work, but I don’t have the guts to go for it
Self thought example - “If I go for the promotion,
I won’t get it so what is the point” or “I won’t be able to handle the
rejection if I try for the promotion”
“I
have a difficult time saying “no” and I am in a situation where I really need
to say “no” to someone
Self thought example - “If I say no then this
person won’t like me and they will reject me”
Now
based on your identified problem or difficult situation, what thoughts may be
holding you back? Share these with the group or even write them down if you are
able:
Part 3 – Develop Realistic Self Talk Statements
This
is the final task in this process. The idea here is to come up with encouraging
but realistic statements to counter the negative and discouraging statements
you identified in the previous part. One rule is that it has to be believable.
The key is to “convince” yourself that you can succeed with a realistic
believable statement that contradicts your negative thoughts.
Below
is an extensive list of “Realistic Self Talk” examples. Review the list as a
group to get a good idea and circle some that stand out as being potentially
helpful to you.
List
of Realistic Self Talk Statements:
So
maybe I am not the best right now, but I am good enough
I
may need some practice but if I work on it, I’ll get there
People
get rejected all the time and life goes on, so why should I let stop me?
People
with less skill and ability than me have done this, so clearly, I can do it
Almost
everyone gets nervous when they do this, so I don’t need to let anxiety hold me
back
I’m
going to make some mistakes but if I keep pressing forward, I will succeed
It
is okay to be stressed for a while but if I keep coping it will get better with
time
I
can be uncomfortable for a while but eventually I will feel better and better
I
always find a way to get it done if I keep on trying
I
will stay focused, and I’ll find a solution
I
have been through worse and survived so I can do this too
I
can still be happy even when life is challenging
After
enough time passes will anyone even remember or care about what I am worrying
about now?
I
might bend but I won’t break
Even
if I feel weak, I can muster up enough strength to get through
I
am not perfect and that is okay, I just need to make an effort and that is good
enough for now
I
don’t need to fear failure as everyone fails sometimes and its just a learning
experience
Even
when other people are difficult, I can tolerate that if I need too
I
have nothing to prove to anyone other than just proving to myself that I can at
least try to do this
In
the grand scheme of things, is this really worth getting so worked up over?
If
its too much I can do this little by little and I will get there
Closing
it Out:
Finally,
for your situation, what realistic self talk statements are you going to use?
The four examples are continued below to provide ideas:
“I
am afraid of public speaking”
Ø I think to myself that
“If I speak in public, I will make a fool out of myself” or “I am not
interesting enough to do public speaking”
o I may struggle a little
if I try but everyone struggles a little bit so I can still do this
o If I prepare and speak
from the heart, I will be fine, and some people will be interested
“I
have difficulty starting and maintaining conversations with people I don’t
know”
Ø Self thought example –
“If I start a conversation with strangers, they will reject me and not want to
listen”
o It might be nerve
wracking at first to start a conversation, but I have nothing to lose by trying
o If the person doesn’t
talk back, it really doesn’t matter. It will be uncomfortable, but it happens
to everyone
“I
have a chance at a promotion at work, but I don’t have the guts to go for it
Ø “If I go for the promotion,
I won’t get it so what is the point” or “I won’t be able to handle the
rejection if I try for the promotion”
o I have nothing to lose
by trying. Even if I don’t get it I am still in the same situation, no worse
o Rejection will hurt but
it wont break me as I can get past it
“I
have a difficult time saying “no” and I am in a situation where I really need
to say “no” to someone
Ø “If I say no then this
person won’t like me and they will reject me”
o It can be uncomfortable
to say no but I will feel so much better after its done
What
are your realistic self statements that you will use to get through your
identified situation? – Assignment: Practice Realistic Self
Talk for the next week and report back to group how it worked
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