Frozen Moments
Consider
some of the following and see if you can identify with any of these or similar
situations. Discuss as a group:
Ø Can you
remember a time when someone said something insignificant or even perhaps silly
or stupid, but for some reason the way it was said and the timing can still make
you laugh out loud today?
Ø Can you think
of a time when you were feeling sad or down and a person came up to you and
said or did just the right thing to make you feel better?
Ø Can you think
of a time when someone said or did something that still brings about a creepy,
tense or other uncomfortable or hurtful feeling in you today, even though it
may be years or even decades later?
Ø Can you
remember a little slice in time with someone you care about that still holds a
lot of meaning and feeling for you? (Something simple like a walk or a talk or
a car ride or a card or gift or a simple pat on the back, word of encouragement
or other gesture from a friend or loved one that still feels meaningful today)
Ø Are there
other moments that may seem insignificant in the greater scheme of things that
still seem to stand out in your mind even though time has passed? Consider a
few examples to get you thinking:
o
A hug or a word at just the right time that you can still “feel”
when you think about it even if it was years, or even decades ago
o
A harsh thing said that hurt or embarrassed you that still stings
when you think of it even if it was years ago
o
An action that left you feeling left out, excluded, disliked (or
even worse, unloved) that never fully healed
o
A proud moment that still feels good, even if it was long ago like
winning an art contest as a child or raising your hand and getting the right
answer on a question no one else in the class knew or hitting a home run in gym
class or little league
It is very
interesting to think about how there are special little moments frozen in time that seem to last
forever, when so many other memories just fade away forgotten with time. The positive
frozen moments that we have are so important to hold on too because they are
like treasured jewels that can be brought out of the safe every once in a while
for a smile or a laugh or a warm feeling.
However, the
moments that we may hold on to that are not so pleasant may be linked with our
personal reaction to emotional trauma. Emotional trauma is often likened to a
scar but it may be more like a wound that never fully healed correctly. A wound
that has not healed can more readily be reinjured and therefore be
re-traumatized. When it comes to emotional healing and effective coping, it is
less important to try to figure out why certain moments in life are more
traumatizing and therefore more memorable than others. Rather, it is much more
valuable to think about what helps a person to cope and bounce back when a
painful, hurtful or otherwise traumatic memory makes an unwanted appearance in
one’s conscious mind.
Using a Traumatic Memory Checklist – Group Activity
For the
sake of learning more about using a Traumatic
Memory Checklist first consider a personally challenging “frozen moment” as
described earlier. However consider the following before selecting the specific
moment that you want to work with for this exercise:
Ø If this is
being done in a group setting, do not pick something that exceeds your comfort level with the group. For
example if you have a memory that comes to mind that is too difficult for you
to handle at this time or that you do not feel close enough with the group yet
to discuss it openly then bypass that one for now. If something is bothering
you that you do not feel comfortable discussing with the group it may be a good
idea to set up an individual counseling session to discuss that instead. Pick
something that you feel that you can handle right now.
Select your
memory and go around the group sharing it briefly with the rest of the group. Take
turns and be supportive. Do not make fun of or trivialize someone else’s frozen
moment. Remember that we all experience feelings and trauma differently so be
sensitive and respectful of others’ experiences and perspectives the same way
that you want others to be respectful and supportive of you and your feelings.
An example
of a frozen moment for this exercise:
“I can remember in fourth grade I was on the playground and everyone
was playing kickball. I was in the outfield and the ball didn’t come to me the
whole game. Finally just as the game was ending, the other team’s best player
kicked the ball way out to me and all I had to do was catch it and we would
have won. But, I dropped it and then my classmates ripped into me with mean
comments, taunts and insults. I felt so rejected and overwhelmed that I can
still feel the hurt of that exact moment and I wish I could just go back in
time again and catch that stupid ball. I wanted to crawl into a hole just to
get away.”
Take turns
sharing your frozen moment of choice by going around the group.
Now use the Traumatic Memory Checklist:
1. Understand
your feelings. Use feeling words and try to identify what you felt at the time.
Understanding your feelings increases insight which can help with the rest of
this process
If doing
this as a group, go around and talk more about your feelings related to your
frozen moment, using specific feeling words. Use a feeling chart if needed
2. Give
yourself a break – If you don’t like the way you handled a negative situation in
the past and you wish you would have handled it differently, it is important to
come to terms with the fact that you did the best that you knew at
the time.
If doing
this as a group, go around and discuss what it is like for you to come to terms
with this. It may be easier for some situations than for others and for some
people it may come more naturally to do this than for others. That’s ok
3. Recognize
your strengths - How have I improved as a person since then?
If doing
this as a group – Discuss the following: How am I stronger, more experienced
and wise and better equipped to handle and bounce back from life’s challenges
since time has passed? How can I handle similar situations so much better today
than back in the time of my frozen moment?
4. Time travel,
self-healing - Finally, imagine if you could go back in time now to visit your
younger self right after the moment we have been discussing. You are not going
back to undo what happened but rather to focus on how would you go back as a
person today to comfort your younger self with all of the knowledge, experience
and wisdom you have gained over the years since then.
If doing
this as a group take turns discussing: What would you now specifically say to your
younger self in the past to comfort yourself and tell your younger self that
you are going to be OK. How would you support and convince your younger self
that you are going to bounce back, survive, thrive and get stronger with time?
5. Close out debriefing. Now that
this activity is coming to a close, do a self-check to make sure that you are emotionally
stable and prepared to cope with any feelings that still may be lingering.
Discuss:
How did this activity feel for you?
How are you feeling right now? Are you feeling ready to stop and move
forward on a positive note?
What are your current coping skills for trauma and negative
feelings? List three just to make sure:
1.
2.
3.
Who are
your supports? Who can you call if you leave here and you need someone to talk
too?
Finally,
how have you learned, grown, or benefited from this exercise? What is one
strength that you know that you possess today? What is at least one positive
thing you will you take with you?
