There are no easy
answers. If
anyone tells you they have a simple solution don’t listen to them. Change is challenging. (Consider yourself, for
example – is change easy for you?)
Ø Positive change is derived from a combination of insight, internal motivation and external motivation. These factors
often change with time so you may need to adapt your approach
Ø Every human has free will (whether we like it or
not, acceptance of this is
important)
Ø There is HOPE – Part of your mission should be
to hold on to hope and remain a source of hope (often in combination with a lot
of patience) – Believe in the
capacity for change in your loved one
Keeping a positive
focus is better than relying primarily on negatively focused strategies – (Often easier said than
done because of all of the emotions involved)
Ø Nagging is ineffective. Nagging is often a dysfunctional outlet
for the frustrated family member but does little for the individual who is
struggling with addiction
Ø “Tough Love” has a time and place – It is often not a first
line tactic but to be used more as a last resort. (The “nuclear” option)
Ø “FBI tactics” alone are not enough – Staying alert is fine
but focusing entirely on staying “one step ahead” is often a losing proposition
when dealing with addiction. No matter how hard you try, you will be fooled on
occasion and valuable energy can be wasted on surveillance and spying
Ø Honesty is essential and means a lot more than using deception or
trickery. If you expect honesty, then model it yourself for your family member.
You lose credibility and trust when you lie
Ø “Use your brain and not your pain” – As difficult as it can
be, do your best to remain reasonable, rational, using sound judgement, rather
than lashing out emotionally. Help one another with this
Ø Try to be proactive rather than reactive – Clear concise warnings
of expectations ahead of time can make difficult decisions much easier later. Avoid
overly repetitious warnings which can mirror nagging. Follow through on warnings when
needed
Ø The saying is true: “Trust has to be earned” – Trust is a lot like managing a bank account
with “deposits” and “withdrawals” – Allow trust to be earned with time even
when it can be scary to let go
Ø Behavior and attitude are the best measures of progress – Stay alert to subtle
changes either way (but avoid nagging about them). Notice, recognize and praise
the positive that you see
Ø Do not undervalue the power of encouragement – Sow sincere “seeds” of
encouragement which may sprout with time. Emphasize
the positive even when it seems small – Praise is powerful
Sometimes there is more
– If
someone is “holding on” to their substance use, often they may not let go until
they see something else better to reach out for. *But they have to want it
Ø Coexisting issues often play a role – Mental health, trauma,
and other issues can be a huge part of the puzzle – Or not – Sometimes
addiction is just addiction
Family should be as
united as possible – Communicate,
work together, and avoid undermining each other. Be there to provide checks and
balances for each other as it is easy to get caught up in emotions and pain.
Remember self-care and caring for one another. Don’t be afraid to seek help for
yourself
For a printable version of this on academia.edu - CLICK HERE
