Many people feel that that if avoiding responsibility were a
disease then there is an epidemic going on in the world right now. In fact,
many individuals have become experts when it comes to cleverly shifting
responsibility by perfecting the art of rationalizing, blaming, finger
pointing, and circumventing. In some cases, even young children learn the skill
of responsibility avoidance from an early age. In its most severe forms, the
thinking that can fuel responsibility avoidance can be downright delusional.
Developing a healthy sense of responsibility is critical to
the change process. It can be difficult to walk that thin line between reasons
and excuses. Although both reasons and excuses are similar, there is one
glaring difference. Reasons by nature are derived from an explainable cause and
are based on some kind of legitimate explanation for an outcome. Consider some
examples:
1.
The reason that the car stopped running was
because I forgot to stop and get gas
2.
The reason that I was late to work was because I
overslept this morning
3.
The reason that I violated probation is because I kept getting high and got caught
Reasons can be traced to a clearly linked cause and effect
type of relationship. Reasons, are in fact: reasonable. The goal of providing
reasons is to explain an occurrence in a logical manner often supported by some
form of tangible evidence. Reasons are derived from the realm of embracing acceptance
of responsibility. Look again at all three above examples and notice the
presence of an acceptance of responsibility as well as a rational, believable
explanation for cause and effect
Excuses on the other hand, are also explanations, but
excuses are mostly diversionary in nature. Unlike reasons which are fact-based
and responsible, excuses are derived from a form of subterfuge
Subterfuge – n -an artifice or expedient used to evade a rule, escape a consequence,
hide something, etc.
Excuses can be based in truth however the connection between
one’s behavior and its cause can be extremely vague or distant and at times
nonexistent. Valid reasons are simple to explain whereas excuses may be
extremely difficult or even impossible to prove. Consider some examples of
excuses:
- "God made me drop the ball so that is why we lost the game"
- "If I was born rich, I would never have gotten into all of this trouble"
- "I am a disorganized slob because my parents divorced when I was just 6"
In all three above examples, there may (or may not) be a
degree of truth when it comes to explaining each circumstance however it may be
impossible to prove a direct cause and effect connection. Therefore when it
comes down to it, excuses cane be like a huge smoke screen clouding the ability
to look at personal responsibility. In fact excuse making can be one of the
biggest obstacles to making progress in life, especially when the primary focus
of your energy is wasted on trying to prove that an excuse is valid. Surely
life isn’t fair and the world is full of injustice; that is the truth.
Therefore we all have reasons and excuses why we may have problems and
misfortunes and other struggles in life. With that said, however, doesn’t it
make more sense to focus on what you can do to make things better for yourself
instead of practicing the useless art of making excuses, which in the end gets
you nowhere?
Excuses are like counterfeit money, no matter how “valuable”
they may seem to be at face value, in the end they are all equally worthless
For thought and discussion:
What excuses might be holding you back from
moving forward today?
In place of making excuses, what is one aspect of
your life that you can increase responsibility for improving by yourself instead of
just waiting for things to get better?
