There are a million and a
half clever-sounding quotes, sayings and inspirational writings focused on the topic
of acceptance. The main reason we are all so obsessed with the idea of acceptance
is because true acceptance can be so powerful and rewarding when
accomplished. At the same time, learning to put acceptance into practice is often much easier said than done. Surely, there are many
things that can be easy to accept in life, but when it comes easy that usually
is an indication that it just wasn’t that important to us, or at least at the
moment the issue isn’t on our current emotional radar. For example, it isn’t
too hard for me personally to accept the fact that I am not wealthy (although I
surely wouldn’t mind giving it a try) because material possessions have never
been too important to me. I am not claiming to be some kind of stoic saint or
anything like that, it is just that as long as I
can remember I never really cared much about having the newest or the best stuff. To
the contrary, however, when someone I care about is dishonest with me, I have an
insane time accepting that and moving on because being lied too has always been
an extremely sensitive area for me.
The point is that our personal
values are directly tied to our “ease of acceptance”. For someone who values winning,
obviously accepting failure is probably a living nightmare for that individual or
for someone who highly esteems loyalty, getting betrayed by a friend probably hurts
as much as being literally stabbed in the back repeatedly with a rusty
screwdriver. If you have read my previous blogs you know that I try to be an
optimist first but in the end I am a realist. Therefore I find it hard when
anyone advertises that they have found the key to happiness through their wondrous
ability to somehow sustain an ongoing flow of inner acceptance. I know some people
are better at it than others and with practice we can all get better at
acceptance but in the real world with all the problems, injustices, and
unexpected obstacles and pitfalls that tend to come up, it is clear that
acceptance is much more of an intensive ongoing process than an instantaneous instinctual
event. Sometimes not accepting something as it is or seems
to be can actually be more beneficial than resigning oneself to simple acceptance.
For example a person with a chronic illness who refuses to accept defeat may
actually end up fighting harder for recovery that those prone to rapid acceptance.
Eventually reality catches up to anyone at some point but fighting the good
fight for as long as possible quite often is worth a shot as sometimes the
underdog who refuses to give up can overcome the odds.
Thankfully though, through
the experiences of billions of others, we know of certain life areas that we
have no choice but to accept in order to prevent ourselves from proverbially
banging our head against the wall repeatedly until we are out cold, only to
wake up and do it again until we learn our lesson. We know for sure that we
cannot change the past, no matter what, as “it is what it is” and in theory
we cannot make other people change either. Sometimes things like traffic, rejection, and
our losses are things that inevitably we must accept at least in the moment
while working on alternatives or better options for the future. Therein lies
the missing piece to acceptance that can be overlooked: The next critical step
involves looking for ways to improve, adjust, adapt, and excel beyond silently
consenting to acceptance of an otherwise crappy situation or circumstance. Acceptance
therefore should be a springboard toward inspiration, hope and progress as
opposed to just being viewed as a stagnant coping skill for temporary emotional
comfort. If life stinks and there is nothing you can do about it then work on
acceptance but don’t let it end there or else what’s the point? Rough times
ahead? Then first evaluate and accept but then don’t forget to adjust, recover, resolve and improve... I
will end with an awesome quote by Michael J Fox who sums this up extremely well:
