Sunday, November 3, 2013

Piece of Mind

I would be lying if I said that I never told anyone off because just like almost everyone reading this, I have, many times. I would be lying if I said that I never enjoyed the “rush” associated with putting someone in their place. I would be lying if I told you that I wasn’t skilled at verbally cutting people down. I guess practice makes perfect?

Because of my birthday, when I was a kid I was always one of the youngest in the class so I was usually one of the smaller kids until High School when I finally caught up with everyone after puberty. In addition to being smaller and younger than most of my classmates, I also was never much of a fighter either, at least physically. Somewhere along the way in school and in the neighborhood, I learned that if I couldn’t fight my way out of situations physically, one way to survive was with my wits. Although I was often at a size disadvantage, I soon learned that I was one of the better ones around with regard to clever comebacks and comical verbal character assassinations which became what I perceived as a survival skill as I grew up. Even teachers and other authority figures weren’t safe from my bitter sarcasm and contentious wisecracks so I ended up spending a lot time in detention and in the principal’s office in school.

If it sounds like I am bragging, the truth is that I shouldn’t be. My best excuse now is that I did not know better at the time, but in reality that is just an excuse because on some level I surely knew what I was doing. Regardless, now I am an adult with children of my own and a job and a career and with that a whole lot more responsibility so hopefully now I do know better. Similar to the way that a physically tough kid who fights his way through life learns that at some point the fighting has to stop, the same holds true for verbal fighting as well. Maturity and responsibility naturally should include some sense of restraint and self-control. For example, as an adult, if you want to be a good parent you can’t curse out your kids, and if you want to hold a decent job, you most likely shouldn’t verbally lambaste or berate your boss either.

Nevertheless, there is an undercurrent in today’s world that places a lot of value on an individual’s ability to tell someone else off. We see it all the time in the media. If you just sit and listen to people’s conversations these days, there is often a lot of swapping of stories of how someone “ripped someone a new one” in response to a situation where the speaker felt like they had been treated unfairly or in a disrespectful manner. If you work at a job that involves some form of direct customer service, surely you know what it is like to be on the receiving end of one of these rhetorical assaults. When the day is over, recanted stories of telling others off seems to make for interesting and exciting conversation, and again I would be lying if I said I never engaged in any such conversations myself.

So what is the point? My point is not to say that we should all be a bunch of spineless jellyfish and never stick up for ourselves because there is a time and a place and a way to assertively speak up when it is appropriate or necessary to do so. My point is however just to express my support for those of us who still are working on “taking the high road” by personally electing not to make a habit of telling other people off even when the opportunity presents itself or when it seems justifiable or easy to do so. Biting your tongue or keeping your mouth shut does not make for exciting or entertaining stories with your friends at the end of the day but in the greater scheme of things, it means a whole lot more. Congrats to you if you chose not to tell someone off today.


  1. Ah, can relate to this so much again Ken. Growing up I was also the smaller kid and my method of protecting myself was the same as yours. It then moved from just covering some insecurities, to using it to avoid all pain necessary... hey look at that just like my drug use :p

    Loved this one Ken =] I still have so much to learn in this journey of sobriety but your posts always make the day just a bit easier.